So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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