once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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