My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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