$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
