There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
