By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
