I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
