I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
