sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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