She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize