We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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