The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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