he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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