If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
