I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
