I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
