Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
