We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
