The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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