After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
