he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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