I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
