I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Be still, my beating vagina.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
