i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
