I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
