I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
