It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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