wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
