I wish my penis had an off switch
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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