im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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