she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
are you so shy because you have an std?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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