toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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