I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
