From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The power of my boobs compel you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
