I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
