it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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