I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
