You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
