Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
