it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
