He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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