69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
