That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
