K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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