You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How external is "for external use only"?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
