I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
third nipple confirmed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
