At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
