i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
