You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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