Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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