I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
