I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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