so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't deserve a penis
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
