We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
