I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
