i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
