I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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