no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
