Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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