I can't watch pbs sober anymore
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
