Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
