i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
