please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
