if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
