for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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